Director: This test needs to be done by the end of the year.
Me (for the umpteenth time): It takes 20 days. By the time I have everything I need, there will be 15 days left in the year.
I had been working for most of the year on the project, handling every aspect from technical development, stakeholder management, supplier coordination; travel agent and bearer of news my director didn't want to hear. Everything that could be expedited had been expedited. Meetings had been held about asking people to work overtime during the holidays. Every possible angle had been covered. It came down to two stubborn facts: 1) December has 31 days. 2) I did not possess the ability to add days to the calendar.
This conversation went round and round for three weeks, before the director finally admitted defeat.
A year or two later, I found myself reliving this same scenario. This time the schedule crunch was a direct result of the director demanding I follow a dead-end path only to ultimately take the path I originally proposed, claiming it was their idea in the first place. On the plus side, I knew the round and round conversation would last about 3 weeks, so I didn't go in expecting the director to listen to reason on day one.
Later, this very same director was shocked when I turned in my resignation in favor of an enviable opportunity.
Years later it is clear to me that the director led from a place of fear and anxiety that was amped up by year-end pressures during this particular engagement. At the time, I responded to their approach by twisting myself in knots in response to their fear and anxiety. I bent over backwards trying to find a solution to a problem that had no solution. I laid awake at night replaying the past and ruminating on what I could have done differently to satisfy this person. I spent precious personal time and energy seeking the exact words that would convince the director that there were not enough days in the year to achieve what they were asking.
As leaders, our titles, words and actions carry more weight than they did in non-leadership roles. People look up to us for guidance and direction. We have the great privilege and responsibility to guide and support our team members on their professional journey. How we show up for them has long-lasting implications for their careers and their lives overall.
At the time of my interaction with the director, I was in the middle of a rough patch in my personal life. Their behavior added fuel to my self-doubt, discouraged me from standing up for myself and completely tanked my motivation. This incident has served as a stark example of how not to lead. While I value the leadership lessons I gained from the experience, I'm certain that a more supportive approach would have provided an even more valuable lesson on how to be a good leader.
It's important to me to have a positive impact on my team members, enabling them to contribute their best. Things I do to put my best foot forward include:
- Self-awareness - Knowing what pre-conceived notions or un-resolved feelings I have about the situation gives me an opportunity to take a beat and re-calibrate before engaging with the team.
- Situational Awareness - It's important to understand what aspects the employee can control, external factors, how my involvement helps or hinders the situation.
- Vulnerability - We have been conditioned that being stoic in the face of challenges is what strong leadership looks like. I have found that vulnerability is strength. When I verbalize a concern, it validates others who share the concern and invites folks who have additional information on the topic to share, potentially alleviating the concern. When I share the implications of not meeting an objective it enables the team to rally even harder to achieve it. Oversharing can backfire. It takes practice to identify the appropriate level of sharing.
- Acknowledgement - We're all human. I've messed up more times than I can count. Acknowledging where I could have done better or that the words I used didn't convey my intended message are effective ways to mitigate unintended damage.
- Lessons Learned - I reflect on what I learned from a particular situation or interaction to identify what I can do differently for a better outcome in the future.
Taking time to reflect on how we show up for our people is critical to being a good leader, yet it often gets lost in the constant shuffle of day-to-day activities. I encourage you to take a few quiet minutes to think about how you impact your team. I recently wrote about setting people up for success, check out this post for tips if you missed it or could use a refresher.
How often do you reflect on your impact? How do you best support your team? What could you do differently?
I'd love to hear from you. Please comment below or send me a note via the Connect section of the home page.
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