Last week's post about employee development being a partnership prompted the following question from a reader:
What if an employee has been treated poorly and they are at the point of "no return". They have lost all motivation and desire to offer more than they have to. They are not intrigued by side quests or general team groups for additional brownie points. Any advice for employees and managers when this happens?
Thoughts for the employee...
It's your career/life, which means that it's up to you to be your own advocate and change agent. Yes, this is often easier said than done. First, I'd advise giving yourself some space to reflect on the situation. Let your emotions cool down from the heat of the moment so you can think clearly. The key question to ask yourself is:
Is the poor treatment something you could move forward from under the right circumstances?
If the answer is a clear NO, then it's time to start thinking about an exit strategy. The story I shared last week is an example of when I got to a true point of no return.
If the answer is a MAYBE, it's time to do some homework. Spend some time thinking about what the right circumstances might look like. Talk through the situation with trusted friends and family to help you process the situation. Reach out to an internal friend, ally, mentor or all three. They will have familiarity with the people and the culture. They might even be familiar with the specific situation. Talking with these folks may help you see the situation a little differently or help you imagine possible resolutions. There's single path forward that works in every situation. Some options include:
- Meeting 1:1 with the offending party to clear the air
- Asking a neutral party to act as a mediator
- Looking at job boards to see if there are other opportunities within the organization
In one case, I tolerated a certain amouNt of toxic behavior from a manager until one day they did something that shattered all trust I had in them. I was at a point of no return with them, but I had compelling reasons for not wanting to leave the organization. I vented to family. I reached out to a mentor who helped come up with a plan to elevate my challenges. The plan took time to execute, but I was determined not to let one toxic manager force me away from a project that I loved. After some time, my manager's manager decided that they were going to stick to the status quo. Upon hearing the news, I had a good long cry to release my frustration and indignation at the injustice, followed by a moment to dry my tears, pick myself up and dust myself off. I was determined not to be defeated.
I made a list of leaders on the project that I'd worked with and prepared to go ask them about opportunities on their teams. Just as I was about to make the rounds, one of them came to me and said, "I have an idea I want to talk to you about, how about you join me and (another leader) for lunch later this week?" At lunch they told me about a gap they had that had been keeping them up at night. They felt I was the perfect person to tackle the problem and find a way to solve it. They offered me a job that came with a description of, "Help with (problem).", a scenario in which I thrive. Providing I addressed the stated problem, I could turn the job into whatever I wanted it to be.
The whole process took 3-4 months and ended in a way I couldn't possibly have imagined up front. Oh, and it came with a pay increase of over 25%!
Thoughts for the manager...
If the employee is truly at the point of no return, there's nothing you can do to bring them around. Respect that and move on.
In most cases, there is a build up to the breaking point. If you are engaging with your team members regularly, there are typically clues (change in demeanor and/or performance, a change in how the person engages, etc.). When you see these signs, it's a good time to schedule a 1:1 to poke at what's going on. Sometimes these changes are due to job-related factors and other times external factors. In either case, having situational awareness helps you adapt accordingly.
Staying tuned in to what's on with the team is the best way I've found to minimize instances of people getting to their breaking point.
- Listen - When you meet with folks, listen to what they are saying and what they are not saying. Sometimes people just want to be heard, other times they have a legitimate grievance. In both cases, listening with empathy can go a long way. I find responses like, "That sounds incredibly frustrating." or "It's not OK that (behavior) happened.", are helpful.
- Be an Ally - This applies to your team as well as folks across the organization. I'm known for saying that I'll talk to anyone - folks exploring growth opportunities, people unhappy with their current assignment or leader, employees interested in knowing what career paths are available to them. Being an ally could also mean being an available neutral party when someone is seeking a mediator.
- Advocate - When you hear about folks facing challenging situations on a particular team or project, be their voice. If I hear similar information from one or more people who are brave enough to confide in me, chances are high that other people are having similar experiences. I've got to team and project leads to make sure they are aware of potential issues. Sometimes they are already working on a solution and at other times it is new information. I like to start these conversations with phrases like, "I'm hearing reports of (X).", "Based on feedback I've gotten, I'm concerned about (Y)." or "I'd like to make sure you're aware of (Z).".
I had an employee who was struggling and as I tried to help them, our relationship continued to deteriorate. As time passed our mutual frustration level increased, to the point that they wouldn't even look me in the eye during our 1:1s.
I was relatively new to leadership and had made some rookie mistakes, but I was genuinely trying to make things better. I reached out to fellow leaders and mentors to get their thoughts on how I could improve relations. Someone suggested taking the blank slate approach - I was skeptical but desperate. I scheduled a tag with my employee, acknowledged that things had been challenging between us and asked if they'd be willing to put the past in the past and start with a clean slate. I think they were also skeptical but were up for giving it a try. I found it difficult to keep the past from creeping back in but I also ne the approach would never work if I even once brought the past into our conversations, so I worked hard to keep it in my head only...and things began to improve. Over time it got to a place we could both live with.
Fast forward a year. By this time, I had settled into a different leadership role with a new team. One day this employee reached out to me and asked if I had time to talk. They were still on the old team and struggling with a different leadership dynamic. They reached out to me as a trusted person to whom they could vent and talk through their frustrations. I hadn't seen that coming!
Are you in tune with how the members of your team are feeling about their work life? How often do you check in with people when something doesn't seem quite right? Are there folks on your team that are showing signs of discontent with their situation?
I'd love to hear from you. Please comment below or send me a note via the Connect section of the home page.
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